In All The Wrong Places

She was everything to me. She could see into my soul and loved me; despite the darkness she saw. She was wild and unpredictable. The very smell of her brings fond memories to my mind. The fun times, the laughter, the merriment and carefree life we experienced is always somewhere in my mind just waiting to be fished out and remembered. Every day without her leaves a hole in my life that longs to be filled. It remains empty to this day.

We met when I was still in school. I was young and impressionable. I wanted to be liked, to be seen. She saw me. She accepted me for who I was, even if I didn’t know myself. We went to parties, played games and stayed out late. As I grew older, we grew apart. Our paths didn’t stray far, as I would always steer myself to her. She was my muse, my lover and my biggest fan. We talked long into the night, sharing everything. We made plans. We spoke of adventure and daring lives. We would ride the rollercoaster of life together.

The fun ended one day. It actually happened over the course of many years, but it’s like the old adage about boiling a frog. If you do it slow enough, the frog doesn’t notice. The fun turned into problems and crisis. The enchantment crashed into reality. My family and friends told me she was ruining my life, that she would be the end of me. Still, I loved her. She had my heart and mind. I never wanted to be without her. I would let the world burn around me before I gave her up. And burn it did.

I drank to forget I had problems. I drank to feel something. I drank to feel nothing. I drank to celebrate. I drank in sorrow. For every feeling, thought and motivation known to man, I had a reason to drink. At the end, I drank because that’s what alcoholics do: they drink. I call myself an alcoholic because, after being locked up three separate times over eight years for DUIs, I realized I had a problem. After the last one I agreed to go to counselling for six months. In that time, I learned the value of being truly honest about myself and how to talk about it. It saved my sobriety. It gave me another chance. That was nearly ten years ago.

I still think about her every day. I wonder where she is, and who she’s with. Then I drive by her place and see all the guys in and out of there. I see her walking down the street in other people’s arms. I talk to others who have been with her, still smelling of her sickly-sweet perfume, slurring their speech as their minds ramble and they try to assemble their thoughts. They’ve fallen for her. Until they see her for what she truly is, they’ll keep falling. She’s a user, an abuser and will suck every joy from their lives. The skank. Good riddance.

If you are addicted to alcohol, or drugs, and want help, dial or text 988. Reach out to friends and family. There is help for those who want it. There are people that can help you get away from her, if you want to. Please reach out today.

My thanks to my family and friends who have forever kept me in their prayers. My prayers go out for those that aren’t willing to let go of her and change their life. May you do so very soon.

God bless Y’all.